I need to stop coming to work sober
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
