You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
