I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
