First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
