you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
