From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
