Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
