Is it because I queefed?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
