Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
