Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
