How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
