i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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