No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
