i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
