So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Quick, to the slutcave!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
