A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I didn't notice because vodka
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
