Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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