I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
