pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
