1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
