She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We need to get me chipped asap
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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