Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
