I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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