you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Idk if I want to put a bra on
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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