I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
