and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
