things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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