ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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