i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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