Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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