so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
