Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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