I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Randomize
