I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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