he puts the penis in happiness.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
