Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
