Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
