My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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