Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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