The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
