Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
