And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
