a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
