so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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