My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
