They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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