i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
