I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
