My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
