you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
