So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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